How to dump people: Don’t!

Four steps when dumping people
By Nancy B. Loughlin
Published in News Press on February 28, 2017

Step One:  Be selective.

How do you know when to end any relationship?

Not everyone whether friend, family or lover is going to be a partner on your evolutionary journey.  Not everyone is going to see your worth. That’s okay.

There are reasons to show someone the door.

Ask: Is this person sabotaging my journey with excessive, self serving, hypocritical and non-constructive criticism? Is this person toxic, dishonest, controlling, abusive, belittling or parasitic?

Step Two:  Watch your ego.

One of the key ways you confirm your self-concept, the perception of self rather than actual self, is through the wardrobe of people you assemble.

Like it or not, in most cases, the people who hang around in your life are there because you invited them to stay.  They are there because at one time, their energy resonated with yours, and that can be positive or negative. Anyone can be poison or nectar.

Ask yourself which one.  While you’re at it, ask yourself how this person, the person you want to evict, merely reflects your shadow self.

Step Three: Don’t dump people.

You can cut people off without a word.  You can ghost them by blocking phone numbers and social media.

That’s what a jerk does.

Deleting a stranger off Facebook is not the same as willfully severing a relationship for cause.  File the metaphorical papers.

No, it doesn’t have to be in person.  That might be nice, but a potential embarrassing or public scene isn’t always best.   Assess the situation.

Call, text, email or US Postal Service your intentions.

Try this: “I wanted to let you know I’ve chosen not to have any more contact with you because (fill in the blank with something brief and factual without any name-calling).

I wish you well, and I will never speak any ill of you.”

That last line is important. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, and, frankly, if you don’t mean it, your rage indicates you aren’t ready to be free of this person.  This person still has something to teach you.

Before blocking anyone, allow 48 hours for the other person to have their say, even if it is false or unkind. The response has nothing to do with you.  And you don’t have to respond. If you feel the need to throw in a parting shot, your ego isn’t ready to end all contact.

Step Four:  Consider a temporary time-out

After careful reflection, you may remain uncertain if severing all ties is best.  You can suggest a temporary break. Simply step away in a trial separation.

Again, tell someone you are doing this. Try this: “I wanted to let you know I’ve chosen to give myself some space right now because (fill in the blank with something brief, non-emotional and factual). I won’t be contacting you for six months. Thank you for understanding.”  (Yes, I have done this.)

This other person may curse you out and block you first, and the dirty work will be done.

 

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